Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
