hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
