The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize