I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
