i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
