She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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