You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
