I'm really into asian looking animals
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
