We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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