Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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