You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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