in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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