I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
