At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
