Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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