you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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