I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
