Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
