it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
