yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
