when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
