If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
