i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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