So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
