My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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