wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
