OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
