I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
