It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
