"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
love makes seman taste better
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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