a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
