Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
