I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
