New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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