Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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