i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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