Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize