friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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