Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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