It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
