ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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