What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
