my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
