Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
