WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
