after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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