I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
