The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
