well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
