you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
