end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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