I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
