i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your cock deserves a montage
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
