Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
