wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
