My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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