Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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