They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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