dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
