i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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