uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
