Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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