Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

Fav 39 4383 1149
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

Fav 19 951 3084
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

Fav 15 7285 1119
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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

Fav 13 4737 1247
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

Fav 28 9124 1823
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(716): View more from New York

It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.

Fav 17 1626 3202
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.

Fav 9 3056 926
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...

Fav 2 454 669
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(765): View more from Indiana

2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.

Fav 2 137 67
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