I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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