All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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