but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
