oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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