last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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