NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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