I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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