we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
