Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
