Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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