I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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