I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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