They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bring me that man meat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
